Leaving you behind
by Bex Everheart
Summary: Nick finished his last year at Dalton, and is getting ready to leave for New York to attend Juilliard. But can he really just leave the love of his life behind? Niff/Drama/Romance
1. Love me

- Chapter one -

* * *

Everyone knows that it's hard for lovers to be apart from each other for a too long time. It doesn't matter how long you have been together, or how long you have known each other. You just know that it's going to hurt when you have to let each other go. It hurt's to be apart from the one person that you love so much. If you keep longing for the person you love, who is so far away from you, it could break you. So isn't it better to just break it? Before you are the one breaking because of it? This and only this was the reason Nick couldn't bear it anymore; to keep in a relationship with his boyfriend Jeff.

Nick and Jeff had known each other since Kindergarten. They started dating in Jeff's freshmen year at Dalton, and the love they had for each other had only grown in the three following years they were together there. Yet this wasn't Kindergarten anymore, or freshmen year. Nick would give up everything he had for it to be that freshmen year again.

But he had graduated now, and his parents had planned for him to go to Juilliard in New York. Sure Nick liked the idea of going to college and learning even more about acting and the fact that it was in New York, and he had to leave his one year younger boyfriend behind was just something he couldn't live with. How could he leave for New York, when Jeff was here? He couldn't bear the idea of a crying Jeff, who would call him in the night to tell him how much he missed him. Nick just knew the younger boy would crumble under the pressure of school when his thoughts would be only with the next vacation where they would see each other again.

* * *

Nick lay in Jeff's bed and stared a bit at the plane ticket he had picked up earlier that day laying on the nightstand on his side of the bed; the date on them being exactly one month away from now. He sighed while he held his blonde lover a bit closer against his body. Nick had told himself over and over the past week that today was the day that he would break things off with Jeff. Tell Jeff it was over between them, and that he should lead his own life without waiting for him.

Nick had thought this day over a few times. He had replayed this exact scene thousands of times in his head, and even worked out what he wanted to say multiple times, but with Jeff laying there right next to him, everything he had rehearsed in his head just slipped right from his he couldn't seem to recall any of the conversations he held in his head with Jeff.

The only thing he seemed to recall was how every conversation in his head had led to Jeff breaking and curling up crying on his bed. And Nick knew that he could never take anything like that.

''Hey…Jeffy?'' Nick whispered in a soft voice to Jeff, half hoping the boy was too tired to hear his whispers.

Nick's heart skipped a beat when he saw Jeff's hazel eyes open slightly when the blonde looked up a bit to meet his own hazel eyes.

''Hum yeah Nicky?'' Jeff responded with a tired smile on his lips.

Jeff placed his arms tiredly around Nick's neck while pulling himself up a bit to press his lips slowly against his lovers' lips. Nick smiles faintly and kissed Jeff's lips back while almost forgetting that he wanted to break up with him.

''Fuck Jeff! Stop using those ridiculously talented lips of yours and listen to me for a bit.''

Jeff perked his eyebrow a bit and laughed a bit while he placed his head back on his pillow, letting go of his neck and looking at Nick's face. But Jeff's smile disappeared when he saw the sudden sadness in Nick's eyes.

"Nick…what's wrong?'' He asked softly trying to get a bit closer to hug him only to be stopped by Nick's hands against his chest.

Nick took a deep breath and looked at the blonde's face.

''You know I have to move to New York exactly one month from today.''

''Yes of course I know that Nicky.'' Jeff said with a sad smile. ''That's why we are spending so much time together right now.''

Nick shook his head slowly as he looked away from Jeff. Nick couldn't bear to look Jeff in the eye; scared of what he would feel when he saw tears in his eyes.

"I don't want you to feel lonely without me, so I don't want you to wait for me while I'm at Juilliard."

Jeff looked at Nick suddenly fully awake. ''What…are you trying to say Nicky?''

''I don't want you to throw away your last year at Dalton by waiting for me. I don't want you to feel sad when you won't be able to see me.'' Nick said while his heart started beating faster because he hated every single moment of what was happening now.

It made him feel nervous to know that he was hurting Jeff right now.

''Babe…We will see each other in vacations…and we can talk every day over the phone.'' Jeff said while he tried to take Nick's hands in his own only to feel nick pull away even more from him. ''Nick…''

''I want you to be happy without me; to be able to laugh without thinking of me. I want to stop owning you Jeff. I don't have the right to keep you while I'm gone''

Tears started welling up in Nick's eyes when he said the words he swore to himself that he would never say to Jeff.

''I want to break up with you.''

Jeff sat up while tears started flowing out of his eyes and on to his face. '' No way Nick, you can't mean that.''

Nick just turned a bit so he was laid on his stomach as he buried his face in his pillow.

Nick's shoulders started to shake softly, showing Jeff that Nick was crying too.

''D…Don't make this even harder for me Jeff.'' Nick said while his hands clenched the fabric of his pillow tightly. '' I just…want you to stay happy even if that means leaving you.''

''Bullshit!'' Jeff shouted which made Nick tense his muscles a bit. ''You will go to Juilliard and we will stay together forever Nick. That's what we promised each other.'' Jeff said while he placed his hands on Nick's shoulders.

Nick pulled away from him and got up from the bed. ''It would be better if I just leave now. We can still hang out till I leave for New York.''

''Come on Nick. You can't be serious with this! I love you and you love me…right?'' Jeff said while he kept sitting on his bed.

Nick just tried to ignore him while he grabbed his clothes from the floor and started to slip in them. Just earlier that night Jeff had practically ripped those clothes off Nick's body when they had both stumbled back into Jeff's bedroom. Leading to a night they would both never be able to forget since Nick had given Jeff exactly everything he wanted. Was it all just for this? Did Nick only want to give Jeff one last good time before he would leave him broken hearted? Jeff watched how Nick started to slip on his shoes without even caring about tying his shoe laces.

As Nick grabbed his plane ticket and started to walk to the bedroom door while Jeff suddenly shot up from his bed realizing that Nick would really walk out of his life just like that. He ran over to Nick and flung his arms tightly around him while crying against his back. '

'Please Nick…don't leave me. I will do anything you ask me to do. I'll give you everything. Just love me.''

Nick's heart skipped a beat while he looked a bit over his shoulder at Jeff. ''I'm sorry Jeff. I have to go.''

Nick pulled away from Jeff while he started walking out of the room still followed by Jeff.

Jeff didn't even care that his shouting would wake up his parents. '' P…Please Nick just stay. Don't leave me.''

Nick walked downstairs and grabbed his coat from the coat stand. Feeling his heart getting heavier in his chest with each step he took before he opened the front door.

''Please just forget me. Stop running after me and lead your own life.''

''I'm not leading my own life! I'm leading OUR life! Come on Nick. ''Jeff practically shouted while he grabbed Nick's hand firmly in his. ''Just stay with me…Please''

''I can't stay here Jeff. I'm leaving for New York one month from today. And I can't take you with me.''

''I know that! But I can come over whenever we have a vacation or during the weekend.'' Jeff said while tears streamed down his face.

''Jeff! A flight to New York will cost you over three hundred bucks and driving there will take almost ten hours! I don't want you to do those things just to see me!'' Nick shouted, avoiding looking at Jeff while tears started to stream down his own face.

''I can do it Nick, I…I will just search for a job to take next to school.'' Jeff said while he tried to see Nick's expression on his face.

''Which means you will have to work on those weekends and Vacations that you want to meet with me.'' Nick replied slowly while staring a bit at the floor. ''Let it go Jeff. It's over.''

''This isn't over Nick. I will never let go of this. Our love is real and forever!''

Nick sighed and looked back up at Jeff before he started lying to make Jeff stop going after him.

''Well I just ended it. So, it doesn't seem so real to me.''

Jeff looked at Nick while he bit on his lower lip. ''You don't mean that.''

''I do. Now if you will excuse me I have to go home.'' Nick said while walking over to his car that was parked in front of Jeff's house.

Jeff just stood at the front door while still only in his boxers as he watched Nick leaving for his car. Nick looked back at Jeff one last time and he just stepped into his car while starting it and driving away. Jeff looked shocked and wanted to run after him just to be stopped by his father who grabbed his wrist telling him that there was no use to run after him now. Jeff just started crying again as he could feel his legs turning weak under him, which made him fall on his knees in a crying and broken mess.


	2. Talk to me

- Chapter two-

* * *

It had been a week since Nick had broken up with Jeff, but the blonde would still send him all kinds of text messages and e-mails to get his attention. Nick's whole voicemail box was already filled with messages from Jeff too. But he gave up after listening at two of them. He knew that he wasn't able to listen to about thirty more of those messages of Jeff begging him to get back together again; how he missed him and how he knew that Nick was missing him just as much because they were meant for each other.

Nick knew he had promised Jeff to still hang out with him, but just thinking about the tears the boy would show him when they were together were enough to get Nick crying himself. Nick had told his parents about the break up, and the reason behind it. And even though his mom was against every part of it since she knew how much her son truly loved Jeff, it didn't keep her from lying to Jeff that Nick was outside when he came at the door to ask for him.  
Nick knew that Jeff and he himself were blessed with the parents they had since they were very supportive to the relationship they used to have together.

Nick still remembered the day when he told his parents that he was gay, and that he liked Jeff: and how his parents only replied with an ''Okay'' and a ''We already knew this would happen soon''and how his mom accepted twenty dollars from his dad since she had apparently won some kind of bet they never told him about. Back then it just made Nick snicker.

* * *

Nick was lying on his bed while he stared up at the ceiling as he heard his mom come into his room after knocking for some time without getting an answer from him. It was not that Nick didn't want to answer her, he was just too lost in thoughts that he failed to even hear the knocks on his door.  
His mother sat down next to him, stroked her hand softly through his hair and kissed his forehead softly.

''Jeff was at the door again. I told him you went to get some coffee at the Lima Bean.''

''Thanks mom.'' Nick replied softly while looking at his mom with a sad smile.

He knew it was hard for his mother to lie to Jeff, since she had really loved him like her own son, and probably still did.  
She looked at him with one of her kind smiles while she stroked her fingers slowly through his hair.

''Sweetie, this is breaking you. You really should talk with him. I know you still love him.''

'' Of course I still love him! I will never stop loving him. But New York is far away.'' Nick said as he closed his eyes a bit when he felt his mom wiping away some tears that he even failed to feel coming out of his eyes.

He had been crying so much this past week that his eyes hurt a lot and sometimes tears would just start falling out without a reason. Though, without a reason would be a lie. Nick knew the reason behind all his tears, and that hurt him even more.

''I know that the love you two have for each other is far stronger then the distance between you guys'' His mother replied in a soft voice as she planted another kiss on his forehead.

'' I don't want to own him. I don't have the right to make him wait for me.'' Nick whispered while fighting the tears that were welling up in his eyes again.

'' Please Nick, go to the Lima Bean and talk to him. Take someone with you if you think that will help you.'' His mother said in a kind voice while trying to comfort Nick a bit by stroking her hand over his back.

Nick opened his eyes again and looked over at his mother before nodding his head and sitting up on his bed to grab his phone, just to see five more text messages from Jeff.

''Oh come on'' He sighed and went to his contact list without even bothering to read them since all of them were exactly the same anyway. Telling him to meet him, and how much he missed him. Exactly the messages Nick was trying to avoid by breaking up with him. Nick went through his contacts till he arrived at the name he was looking for. _ Anderson Blaine_ , Nick sighed as he pushed on the name to call Blaine.

His mother smiled faintly and got up from the bed to walk back to the door, ''Good luck sweetie.''

Nick nodded at his mom and a faint smile appeared on his lips when he heard Blaine's voice when he picked up his phone. ''Hey Blaine, its Nick. I wanted to ask you something.''

* * *

Jeff pushed open the doors of the lima bean as he walked inside looking around a bit to see if he could find Nick. He already had the feeling that Nick wouldn't even be there, ever since Nick's mother told him.

She wasn't the world's best liar, and Jeff would normally just smile and walk back away from the house to go back to his own to sulk in his bed for the rest of the day. Sending Nick messages and calling him. He knew that Nick wouldn't pick up his phone. But hearing his voice on his voicemail felt so good to Jeff.

But he couldn't go home now since his mother had told him that he should go outside. He should get some fresh air in his lungs because she didn't like seeing him sulking in his room all the time and she disliked hearing her son cry every time she would walk past his door. She had heard enough of that since the day that Nick broke off all their contact.

Jeff let out a sigh when he realized that the thoughts he had about Nick not being in the lima bean were true. Did he really lose his best friend over something as stupid as distance? It was not like Nick was moving to New York forever. At least Jeff hoped he wasn't.

Jeff walked back out of the Lima Bean before he would break down to tears in the middle of the shop. Suddenly he heard the sound his phone made whenever he would receive a text message from Nick, He grabbed his phone while he could feel his heart pounding in his chest as he stared at the screen.

''Stay at the Lima bean, I know you are there. I will be there in thirty minutes''

A faint smile appeared on Jeff's lips as he stared at the text message and sat down against the wall of the Lima Bean, he started texting back while trying to spell the words correctly with his shaking hands.

''I'll wait here for you, I love you.''

* * *

Nick stared a bit at the text message he received and let out a sigh before he walked out of his house, into the direction of his car. He had explained everything to Blaine and Blaine had told him that he and Kurt would go to the Lima Bean too, so they could be there with them when they talked. So their talk would go as calm as possible. Nick could feel his nerves calm down a bit since he knew that Jeff would never shout or cry much near Blaine and Kurt. At least that was what Nick hoped. He got into his car and started it before he drove off in the direction of the Lima bean.

* * *

Jeff heard his name being called and saw Blaine and Kurt walking over to him when he looked up from his mobile phone where he was still staring at Nick's text message.

'' Hey guys.'' Jeff said while showing them a sad smile knowing exactly why they were there. '' So... did Nick ask you to come?''

Kurt looked a bit sad at the sight of Jeff and sat down next to him on the floor while Blaine just stared a bit down like his shoes where suddenly very interesting.

''Sorry man... he just wants you to stay calm.''

Jeff nodded his head a bit while he leaned his head back against the wall.

'' I'm on your side though... the love you two have is so much stronger then distance.'' Kurt said in a soft voice that made Jeff smile a bit.

Jeff kept the small smile on his lips while he leaned his head against Kurt's shoulder. Kurt and Blaine never had these problems, and Jeff couldn't help envy what they had together. When Kurt told Blaine he would go to NYADA there was a small time that he was scared to be left behind. But they both knew that their love would be strong enough to get through it. Even though Kurt didn't get accepted at NYADA, and he took a full time job at the Lima Bean to save some money so that he and Blaine could both go to New York after Blaine graduated from McKinley too.  
Jeff smiled as he saw Nick's car park on the parking lot and he tried to get up only to be pushed back by Blaine as he kneeled next to him.

''Stay calm. Don't run to him and stop saying that you love him.'' Blaine said while looking into Jeff's eyes.

Jeff stared at Blaine while tears almost appeared in his eyes. ''You want me to lie to him?

'' No Jeff, that's the last thing I want you to do. But if Nick feels that you accept the thing he wants... he will feel more comfortable around you. And then he will stay with us the next three weeks.'' Blaine said softly.

''If Nick is calm, then he will be more open around you again. And hang out with you again.'' Kurt said with one of his calming smiles on his lips. ''Just bear with it for now okay?

Jeff nodded his head and relaxed a bit against the wall. ''Okay.''

Nick walked over to them after he parked his car and smiled softly* ''Hey what are you guys doing he...''

He stopped talking when he saw Blaine shaking his head and sighed softly. '' Let's just go inside guys.''

Jeff got up and smiled softly while looking at Nick before he walked into the Lima Bean with Kurt.

Nick felt a bit confused over of the way Jeff was acting suddenly and looked over at Blaine who just smiled at him and held the door open for Nick to go inside.

''Thanks Blaine.'' Nick said with a halfhearted smile.

Blaine followed Nick inside and closed the doors behind him while looking a bit concerned at his friend.

''No problem Nick''

Kurt and Jeff were already ordering the coffee and wanted to pay for it but Nick walked up to them and placed the money for his own drink on the counter. Jeff glanced at the money and felt sad since Nick didn't even want him to pay for his coffee order anymore.

''Hey this is my treat.'' Kurt said while shoving the money back to Nick.

Nick smiled while he nodded his head and took his money back. ''Fine thanks Kurt.''

Kurt just showed him a gentle smile as he paid for the drinks, while Jeff was only feeling more upset because he knew that Nick would have ignored it if he was the one telling him it was a treat. Nick looked over at Jeff and saw the hurt in his eyes, Feeling bad about it he placed his hand on Jeff's head to stroke his fingers through his hair to comfort him.  
Jeff looked up at him with a smile which seemed to startle Nick and urge him to suddenly pull his hand back before he walked away to the counter where they would receive their coffee.

Jeff sighed as he followed after Kurt who left for the counter too. ''I don't get it. Am I not allowed to smile either?''

''Don't worry about it Jeff. He's just confused.'' Kurt whispered so only Jeff could hear it as they arrived at the counter too.

Jeff nodded his head and took his coffee when it was done and walked with them to a free table. Nick sat down and made sure that Kurt and Blaine were sitting next to him so that Jeff wouldn't be too close to him.

Jeff just sat down while staring a bit at his coffee as he mumbled softly. ''Thanks for meeting with me today.''

Nick just nodded while looking at Jeff. It hurt Nick to see Jeff all sad and pale. it also looked like Jeff had lost some weight too because of what he had done to him. And he felt horrible because he knew that the way Jeff was right now, was his entire fault.  
It seemed like Nick wasn't the only one who noticed that Jeff had lost weight, because Kurt got up after a few minutes of silence and walked over to the counter to get some muffins and doughnuts for them to eat.

Nick could see that Blaine really wanted to follow Kurt, and he was really grateful that he stayed with them instead. Blaine hated the uncomfortable silence they had right now and looked at his friends who both just kept staring at their coffee, not really sure what they should say to each other.  
Nick just didn't want it to get even harder for Jeff by saying anything wrong to him. And Jeff just didn't want to annoy Nick by telling him how he really felt about it all.

The silence was broken when Kurt walked back to the table and dumped all kinds of muffins and doughnuts on their table. ''Come on guys, eat.'' Kurt said as he smiled at them and gave everyone a first doughnut.

Jeff just smiled sadly and held his doughnut in his hand. '' Can I...say something?''

''Of course'' Nick replied while he looked up at Jeff.

''I miss you'' Jeff almost whispered, and bit his lower lip when he heard Nick sigh softly. '' I mean... I.''

''Don't... just... stop.'' Nick said softly.

''No... Let me finish.'' Jeff said while looking up at Nick.

''I don't want to hear it Jeff... why don't you get it.'' nick said while turning his head away to avoid looking into Jeff's eyes. ''It's over between us.''

Jeff got tears in his eyes and placed the doughnut back on the table. ''Just... let me talk.'

''I heard enough.'' Nick said while he tried to get up from his seat, only to be stopped by Kurt and Blaine at the exact same time.

''I just. Mean that I miss you... around me... I miss your friendship. The time we had together... even before our relationship.''

Tears started streaming down Jeff's face but he kept his eyes focused on Nick now.

''I miss you in person... not your love...well that too but...I mean.''

Blaine smiled and looked over at Jeff with a look that made Jeff stop talking the moment he saw it. Jeff just stared back at his coffee and kept his mouth shut.  
Nick sat back down and felt tears streaming down his face.

''Excuse me, if I may.'' Kurt said while waving his hand a bit. ''You both are so stupid... can't you see how much you love each other?''

He folded his arms a bit stubborn while looking at Nick and Jeff.

Nick didn't answer him and just stared out of the window next to him.

''And don't give me the ''_It's better this way_'' speech, because that's nonsense.'' Kurt said while looking at Nick.

Blaine smiled while looking over at Nick. ''Nick... you could always just... try it. Have some Skype conversations, and call each other.''

''No! Just stop it okay... I'm done with this.''

Nick got up from his seat and looked over at Jeff.

''Look I'm sorry okay Jeff... I do care about you... and yes you are the love of my life. But this distance thing won't work out for us.''

Jeff looked up at Nick with tear filled eyes and nodded just to try to look strong about it. ''Okay.''

This startled Nick a bit. He never imagined that Jeff would actually agree with him about this. But it did calm him down a bit.  
'' thanks for understanding..''

Jeff just nodded softly and brushed away his tears.

''Can we still hang out a bit these last few weeks? Just like we used to?''

Nick nodded his head a bit while he looked at Jeff.

''Yes... but only...when others are coming with us too okay?''

'' We will be there.'' Blaine said while smiling softly. ''Right Kurt?''

'' Sure.'' Kurt said with a smile on his lips as he looked from Nick to Jeff.

Jeff tried to give them a genuine smile while he nodded his head again as he looked at them. ''Thanks.''

Jeff knew this wasn't perfect, And that it would probable just lead to even more pain when Nick actually left for New York.

But at least he still had Nick's friendship for now.

This meant more than anything in the world to him.


End file.
